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Long Distance Relationships

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I currently am in one since pretty recently but fortunately he live in the same country as me and I will get to see him in November. I'm so excited. I don't have any problems with that because I trust him and he trust me. I mean yeah it's hard for physical affection but we can still show how we love each others  with small attention like vocal messages and mental support. It's actually kinda "good" that it's this way now because I currently need to focus on some personal stuff  for improving my mental health/future and in his case he work quite a lot... Since a long time I pretty much always got into LDR because I feel like this is way easier for me to find someone who like the same stuff as me...and  I know it would be hard for me to be with someone who is not ready to hear me talking about bands loool. But yeah it's also easier for me to approach someone this way. It's not for everyone and I can see why, tho, it take lot of patience and trust.

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Me and bf have been together for 3 years. Two years we spent together, only living an hour away. But he spent last year studying abroad in another country.

I wanted to break up so we could focus on our lives during his year abroad, but he thought it would be a waste to do that so we decided to stay together.

I'm never doing long distance again. It's just awful, mentally exhausting and frustrating. We have always trusted each other and had very good communication, but either way, we both ended up very busy with our lives and the relationship was neglected. I didn't wanna ask for attention because he was working and studying and enjoying life in the country of his dreams. So I just endured it. While I did enjoy my time alone, with friends, focusing on myself the relationship felt like dead weight.

Either way, he's back now and everything is back to normal but I already warned him I'm never going through it again :roll:

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I've been in a few, and I personally prefer them because I just don't like to actually physically interact with people. 

I've never had an issue with them, but I just don't have that nice of a personality so relationships in general just don't tend to work for me. 

I guess some negative part of it would be always having to 100% trust them, which I totally understand can be a hard thing, then again all relationships require trust, but I guess long distance would require a bit more trust. 

They've got their positives and negatives, as do regular relationships. They're not really for everyone, so it's just best to do whatever makes you happy, and if a LDR isn't that, then you probably shouldn't be in one.

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Dragging up this old topic. D:

 

I dated my husband for a year, and then I had to move back to the U.S. to graduate so we we did a year and a half long distance while I was studying and looking for employment in Japan. Then we moved in together and got married. We've been together over 12 years.

 

Not gonna lie, the long distance part was really hard. We almost broke up a few times because our ways of dealing with the relationship was different... For my husband it was easier to try not to think about me and not text or write so he didn't have to deal with feeling lonely and for me I wanted more contact to ease the loneliness, so we fought sometimes about that. But having gone through that, it has certainly made us more appreciative of our relationship and we don't take our time together for granted.

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I've always thought I'm the perfect type of person for a LDR. I've only had to do it short-term in my relationships. My friends have done it and it's ended well for the most part. One friend married her husband shortly before she moved to Canada for 2.5 years to finish her degree. I think she got to see him once during that time because the cost of flying to her home country is immensely expensive. She desperately wanted to bring him here but his visa kept getting rejected and she couldn't sponsor him. Eventually they were both able to get visas to live in Australia while she finishes her studies. I think they plan on living there permanently.

 

Another friend met her boyfriend in Japan towards the end of her exchange and he was more than willing to make it work with her. They managed a year apart, with her moving back to Canada and him studying abroad in Holland for a year. They both live in Japan now and I think are still technically long distance but it's a workable distance. I'm sure they have plans of getting married and living together in the future.

 

My best friend also met her boyfriend in Japan but they're both Americans and live on opposite coasts/she still had one year of university left in Canada. It was really hard on her although it wasn't her first LDR. She recently moved to the west coast to live near him semi-permanently. 

 

Idk I'm pretty much a firm believer they work out just like any relationship. As long as there's some sort of end game. With my ex we would've had to do long distance long-term due to visa restrictions. If he hadn't been the devil himself then I would've found a way to make it work. I know some people who do it for years and some who make it a goal to end the distance within a year. I know people's relationships that have fizzled out quickly. I think you learn more about the other person in a LDR. The only friends I've had who have been in successful LDR were all in serious relationships or married.

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I'm currently in a LDR, with me in the UK and her in Japan. We've been together for about a year and a half now. We got engaged NYE 2016. Technically we've only met four times; the delights of the Japanese working schedule mean that she can only manage five-day visits to the UK, but I'm freelance and can work anywhere, so I've been able to  spend some four-week periods with her in Hiroshima. We're getting married in May (the whole traditional Japanese process), and then I will be applying for long-stay visa to remain in Japan with my soon-to-be wife. I am definitely very very happy, but I wouldn't say the whole process has been easy. Time difference and work schedule make it very difficult for find time for some serious conversation, especially if there's something important that needs to be said. You end up grading everything into one of three categories: 1)  it can be said in a text/Line/Skype message etc; 2) it needs to be said in a video chat; or 3) it definitely needs face-to-face communication time. The important thing is to be make sure you set aside regular time for video chats or the like. It doesn't need to be every day, but checking in and keeping the connection going does really help. For anyone just getting involvedin one, give it your best shot, because it can definitely be worth it. 

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1 hour ago, JimHarper said:

I'm currently in a LDR, with me in the UK and her in Japan. We've been together for about a year and a half now. We got engaged NYE 2016. Technically we've only met four times; the delights of the Japanese working schedule mean that she can only manage five-day visits to the UK, but I'm freelance and can work anywhere, so I've been able to  spend some four-week periods with her in Hiroshima. We're getting married in May (the whole traditional Japanese process), and then I will be applying for long-stay visa to remain in Japan with my soon-to-be wife. I am definitely very very happy, but I wouldn't say the whole process has been easy. Time difference and work schedule make it very difficult for find time for some serious conversation, especially if there's something important that needs to be said. You end up grading everything into one of three categories: 1)  it can be said in a text/Line/Skype message etc; 2) it needs to be said in a video chat; or 3) it definitely needs face-to-face communication time. The important thing is to be make sure you set aside regular time for video chats or the like. It doesn't need to be every day, but checking in and keeping the connection going does really help. For anyone just getting involvedin one, give it your best shot, because it can definitely be worth it. 

My girlfriend also lives in Japan and her short visits to the States are similar, where she can only really manage a five-day stay. Of course with travel, that really breaks down to about four depending on the timing of her flights. I'm glad your story is continuing into marriage! I wish I could say the same for ours, but I recently was rejected from the JET program AND the company I worked for went out of business in the same week. So I'm essentially without an option to move in-country to be with her. We've been together for a little over a year and I met her when I was in Osaka, so we spent three months together before I had to move back home. Communication is so damn hard though, with a 14-hour time difference and we try to give it our best. Recently our conversations have not been very easy as I've hit a very rough patch in my life and depression is weighing on me and she feels that she can't be a good girlfriend since she isn't with me to help shoulder this depression and stress. I wish I could just fuck off and fly to Japan and get married, but she still lives with her parents and doesn't really have a high-paid job.

 

Long story short: I feel you and it sucks and I'm happy that you've made it work and are tying the knot.

Edited by patientZERO

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Thanks for the kind thoughts :) I'm sorry you're struggling at the moment. Getting into Japan really isn't easy, with the only acceptable ways being a pre-arranged job or educational position, a £350,000 bank balance (!) or marriage to a Japanese national. I do understand the deal with Japanese parents too; as the man, it is often expected that you'll support their daughter, not the other way round. They don't really get the idea of freelance work over there yet, so I've had to experience a fair number of wisecracks about being a 'kept man' or a himo, as my father-in-law likes to say. Thankfully I've been able to show enough proof that I do actually work and bring money in, although we've been 'diplomatic' concerning which of us makes the most money ;)

 

I understand what your girlfriend is going through too. When things are tough here for me, she often gets upset that she can't be here looking after me and giving me moral support. My health isn't too good and she worries greatly that she's not being a good wife by leaving me to cope with illness here on my own. At times like that I just to do my best to assure her that just having her in my life, even at the end of a phone line, makes things a good bit easier for me, and that whatever else is going wrong, I'm always thankful that I have her. She's my star. Will you be seeing her for Golden Week? 

 

All I can say is, hang in there. Things change, situations improve. Currently there's a lot of major business groups campaigning to make it easier for foreign workers to get into Japan, because the native born population is shrinking so rapidly. In 2017, for the first time, there were more foreigners living in every single district of Japan, so things are improving.

 

Anyway, if there's anything I can do to help, let me know. I'm available on here or through Twitter, and I think my email is on my profile. Best of luck to you, mate.

 

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Now in Long Distance Relationship.

i am now living in London and my girlfriend is still in Japan.

The busy schedule and 9 hours time difference makes it really hard. And have to face many struggles making schedule to call and etc...

Some people may think it not work but if dedicated from both side it will definitely work. The last time i met her was last summer and i was meant to return Japan in January but due to job hunting season in Japan i could not go. However i stay positive and our meeting time will come soon.

Meeting is the best moment for both. Even if it is like 13 days. Do our best to make best memory.

we always try to meet 2/3 time in one year but not everytime go planned due to Busy schedule/money since both student

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15 minutes ago, Demonokun said:

Now in Long Distance Relationship.

i am now living in London and my girlfriend is still in Japan.

The busy schedule and 9 hours time difference makes it really hard. And have to face many struggles making schedule to call and etc...

Some people may think it not work but if dedicated from both side it will definitely work. The last time i met her was last summer and i was meant to return Japan in January but due to job hunting season in Japan i could not go. However i stay positive and our meeting time will come soon.

Meeting is the best moment for both. Even if it is like 13 days. Do our best to make best memory.

we always try to meet 2/3 time in one year but not everytime go planned due to Busy schedule/money since both student

That's so awesome, best of luck to you guys.

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1 hour ago, Demonokun said:

Now in Long Distance Relationship.

i am now living in London and my girlfriend is still in Japan.

The busy schedule and 9 hours time difference makes it really hard. And have to face many struggles making schedule to call and etc...

Some people may think it not work but if dedicated from both side it will definitely work. The last time i met her was last summer and i was meant to return Japan in January but due to job hunting season in Japan i could not go. However i stay positive and our meeting time will come soon.

Meeting is the best moment for both. Even if it is like 13 days. Do our best to make best memory.

we always try to meet 2/3 time in one year but not everytime go planned due to Busy schedule/money since both student

I totally feel you here man

my boyfriend lives in japan and we have a 8/9 hr time difference (depending when our clocks go back or forward) it is always hard finding time to call sksk

he works very hard and can sometimes not message me for a few days but I always try to send motivational messages (even if he sees it after work) what I recommend is sending gifts! I sent him a gift for his birthday (a small present of Irish snacks) and he enjoyed it! Even though your not there physically sending a gift can surprisingly make your bond stronger uwu!

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i’m not sure if this counts necessarily, but i met my wife on tumblr.  we were just friends tho for like 3 years before we met irl.  but when we met we had a romantic connection and we started dating, then i moved to california to be with her a few months after that.  and now we’ve been together for 6 years in september.  whenever i tried to do ldr, when i met the person irl, i realized nothing was actually there.  my now wife used to say that i needed to be friends w someone before i date them.  real life foreshadowing??  😮

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