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[POLL] What Are Your Thoughts on Jealousy in Intimate Relationships?

What Are Your Thoughts on Jealousy in Intimate Relationships?  

14 members have voted

  1. 1. What Are Your Thoughts on Jealousy in Intimate Relationships? (please elaborate on your choices)

    • It's toxic and has no place in a relationship
    • A little bit is fine
    • It serves a purpose
    • Jealousy is for insecure people
    • Jealousy just shows your partner that you care
      0
    • Other (please explain below)


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As the title says, What Are Your Thoughts on Jealousy in Intimate Relationships? I'm sure many of us have wrestled with Jealousy at one point, whether it originated with us or our partners - so I thought this would be an interesting topic to explore with you all. Do you think it plays a necessary role in intimate relationships or is it a purely destructive force? Is it a character flaw or is it a natural phenomenon? Is it a deal-breaker for you or is it something that can be worked on? What have your observations and experiences taught or communicated to you about Jealousy?

 

P.S - the poll is kinda just for fun. I'm more interested in seeing what thoughts you all have to share!

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I think a little bit could be okay, but that 'little bit' will probably explode given the right amount of attention. I think it does stem from insecurities often within the person themselves that they're too afraid/unwilling to face or communicate to their partner. I've seen it give way to too many toxic things in a relationship and I also I come from a culture where jealousy and its bffs (paranoia, control and abuse) are heavily normalised as 'it just shows your partner cares' so I'm strongly repulsed by it :emo: 

 

  If you are in a relationship where communication is open and healthy I don't think jealousy will show up and if it does it wouldn't get in the way of anything.  If I were to argue pro-jealousy... well, in healthy doses it can keep people on their toes e.g 'I'll do my best to be a good partner so that we can keep our love alive and my partner won't feel the need to look for something outside the relationship'.

 

Communication goes a long way in feeling secure in a relationship (feeling secure = little to no room for jealousy)

 

TL;DR it's a deal breaker for me 

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I haven't been in a romantic relationship yet, nor am I prone to jealousy in my friendships but I understand that it's a normal feeling that bubbles up sometimes when we see the people we care about getting real chummy with someone else. It's an insecurity thing that I think should be worked through yourself but I won't mind working through it with my partner if it seems to be something they wouldn't normally make a deal out of (hence the 'just a bit is fine'). Not everyone is always at their best and sometimes we succumb to those weaker emotions, if I care about my partner enough I'll see what I can do for them to make them feel better about the situation. 

 

However I don't think it should be often present, only rarely. I draw a very hard line on playing the victim ("Why do you spend more time with [x] than me? Do you not like me? What's wrong with me?") and placing restrictions on freedoms ("I don't want you talking to any other guys"). 

 

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While Jealousy is a natural feeling, it should always be kept in check. The best feeling is to be in a relationship where you're completely secure and trust eachother enough, to where jealousy is barely a problem. I think it's much easier though when you live with your partner and see them often enough to really know what they think about you, rather than say an online relationship or a medium distance relationship. When you live with them, you have more security because you know they're more than willing to put up with you, seeing as they enjoy being with you enough to share their home with you.

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I'd argue it's a natural phenomenon and I think it's entirely understandable in small amounts, particularly when a relationship is in it's early stages or the admiration for each other is intense and imo sometimes it stems from how the other person views the time together, if you've hardly seen your partner but you've been out with other people, playing video games etc then I'd understand the jealousy. 

 

I think it's something that eventually dies out as both people become more trusting but as Platy said, it's heavily reliant on communication. There also needs to be a line drawn when it's too much, i.e. you're banned from going out, your time away from your partner becomes forcibly limited.

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In my (admittedly limited) experience, jealousy is actually very unnatural for me in relationships, contrary to what a lot of others have said. What comes more naturally to me is being completely open and honest with people depending on how much I trust them and it makes sense that, if I'm that close to someone, I'm going to trust them a lot. I tend to be quite careful about what I do and don't say to certain people after some negative experiences (i.e. people using information about me to hurt/embarrass me) but when I feel I can say pretty much anything to them and I have feelings for them, I don't see how jealousy or anything akin to that could possibly worm its way into what me and the other person have. The only time I would ever feel anything close to that in this kind of situation is if I was with a friend/partner/whatever and suddenly, they invited loads of other people to hang out with us but that's less jealousy and more introversion. Granted, this may just be because I'm quite romantically unaffectionate but I guess that's just the way it goes for me. Same as what's already been said above, jealousy is absolutely a deal-breaker for me and if anyone thinks my life has to stop for them for whatever reason (unless it's serious, like they're in hospital or sth), then I'm just going to see them as either too insecure/mentally unwell to be worrying about other people/relationships or an egomaniac.

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