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secret_no_03

Dad Joke Appreciation Thread

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Some are corny as can be, others are cute or just genuinely funny. What are some of your favorite dad jokes?

 

I was going to tell you a joke about time travel, but you didn't like it.

 

Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

 

The other day my son said "I don't know anything about cloning." and I said "that makes two of us."

 

There's plenty more, but I'm curious to see what everyone else comes up with or their favorites.

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How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

 

Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

 

If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

 

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

 

What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language.

 

A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

 

My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.

 

Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater. 

 

If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?

 

Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.

 

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.

 

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SERVER: "Sorry about your wait." DAD: "Are you saying I’m fat?”

 

CASHIER: "Would you like the milk in a bag, sir?" DAD: "No, just leave it in the carton!’”

 

What's the best part about living in Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

 

When an ambulance zips past with its siren blaring: "They won’t sell much ice cream driving that fast.”

 

If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US, he will be rolling in his grave.

 

What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracadabrador.

 

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