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The Bread Wolf

Family planning and the lack of it

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I like kids but I don't want them. Never have done, never will. I decided I didn't want kids when I was four years old because I thought it would hurt giving birth (and to be fair, I wasn't exactly wrong. It doesn't take having kids to know that shit hurts). Fourteen years later and I still feel the same, even though everyone told me I'd change my mind. I fucking hate it when people say that. I know I'm young, but for the past two years, I've been old enough to live by myself (which I actually have been for the past two years), work full-time, get married with parental consent, join the military... oh, and have kids. I just find it so condescending when people tell me I'll change my mind, especially when one of those people was my mother who never wanted kids when she was my age, then had two and told me she regretted it and that if she could go back in time, she wouldn't have had us (cheers for that, bitch :)). It's not like anyone ever told me I'd change my mind when I said I wanted to be a chemist, or a singer, or a writer, but I did and now I have my heart set on becoming a paediatric therapist. Interesting how I want to work with children but I don't want any of my own, no? I guess my logic would be that I do love children and I feel like I could support them, but only if I could give them back. I am, however, open to the idea of adopting a child if they were a patient of mine and their parents were abusing them, for example, although they may have to be a little older than most children when they get adopted as I don't know if I'd be prepared to look after a baby.

 

Also, you know what I never understood? People telling me I'll "change my mind" while at the same time telling me I should just "stick to the girls and not get a boyfriend because you are a strong, independent waman". Alrighty then, I'll go out and have a shag then give birth to the baby I'm pregnant with without ever actually getting to know the guy who knocked me up and forming a meaningful relationship with him. *sigh*

 

ETA: I would just like to add that the pain of childbirth is no longer the only reason I don't want to have children. There is a myriad of reasons.

Edited by Gesu

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I think kids are kinda cute and funny, and I don't have anything against them. But I don't want to have any myself, because I know I'll never be mentally healthy and stable anough to be able to give them a good and safe childhood. I myself grew up in a mentally ill family, and it damaged me permanently, and I don't want to make any innocent child experience anything like that.

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@Gesu There was so far too many reactions I had to this so I settled on laughter :) You raise a lot of good points though and I can also echo the annoyance relating to parents/friends/strangers being weirdly invested in the output of your genitals. It's your body and your future. It's also the 21st century and staying at home to cook and clean and raise kids is, hold on to your hats, not the inherent destiny of all womankind. 

 

People need to stop projecting their own fears and regrets onto others. 

 

Also, I found out an ex of mine was pregnant a few months after we split up. I have never felt so much fear in all my life. I essentially thought my life was over. Thank Jebus it wasn't mine. I don't need my life to be Jeremy Kyle's wet dream. 

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1 minute ago, chocobuzz said:

I think kids are kinda cute and funny, and I don't have anything against them. But I don't want to have any myself, because I know I'll never be mentally healthy and stable anough to be able to give them a good and safe childhood. I myself grew up in a mentally ill family, and it damaged me permanently, and I don't want to make any innocent child experience anything like that.

That sucks :( I guess at the end of the day it's making the decision that will be best for your own peace of mind. You can still be an awesome uncle/aunt/both?! :)

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Personally, having kids is the last thing I'd want. I would love to get married, but honestly, I'm extremely irresponsible and untrustworthy to have kids in the future. Don't mind being around them, but just having kids isn't on my list.

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This has become a major life goal for me! I could imagine nothing more beautiful, noble, and rewarding than marrying, starting, maintaining, and nourishing a family. Kids are wonderful and they're a blessing to be sure - you can learn a lot from them. I look forward to both the challenge and the privilege of hoisting that level of responsibility onto my shoulders, and I'm excited to see the man that I'll grow to be through it.

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3 minutes ago, CAT5 said:

This has become a major life goal for me! I could imagine nothing more beautiful, noble, and rewarding than marrying, starting, maintaining, and nourishing a family. Kids are wonderful and they're a blessing to be sure - you can learn a lot from them. I look forward to both the challenge and the privilege of hoisting that level of responsibility onto my shoulders, and I'm excited to see the man that I'll grow to be through it.

Dude, you're so nice. :hug:

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When I was younger I thought having kids would be neat, I don't know when that changed to noooo, I definitely don't want children. The most frustrating thing about this is the rare times when I talk to my mother and she inevitably brings it up. I vaguely wonder if she'll pressure me to adopt instead once I'm past the age for having children of my own. :P

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No way I'd want to have kids. I mean sure they can be cute but it's just too much responsibility to raise them and honestly, the fact that growing up a many adults basically treated me having kids as a given makes me not want to have them even more. Not to mention all the things you need to give up to raise a kid.

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