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Relationships, while they are cool drain you mentally and physically. Being with someone that doesn't properly reciprocate your feelings is one of the reasons you should kinda stay away from them. Being in one messy relationship after another it's kinda messed me up i guess? Im stuck between wanting a relationship and fuck it, Sometimes I don't know if it's my fault or if i've just a knack for finding the wrong people to fall for? It's confusing  really, I don't feel like my brain works the same way it used to. Relationships just leave me hurt and inquisitive of myself. I hate it when people hit you with the whole "it's not you" it's me thing. Like tell me the truth so I know not to make the same mistake twice.  Sugar Coating stuff like that only makes things worse for people on the receiving end. But it's not like they really care when they're interested in something else so lol

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On 26/10/2017 at 4:19 PM, Aferni said:

 I hate it when people hit you with the whole "it's not you" it's me thing. Like tell me the truth so I know not to make the same mistake twice.  Sugar Coating stuff like that only makes things worse for people on the receiving end. But it's not like they really care when they're interested in something else so lol

As someone who's had to actually break a relationship off with someone else thinking those words exactly I can confirm it's not that easy to tell them there was something wrong. Or the thing may be that there wasn't. When I broke up with my previous boyfriend I knew there was absolutely nothing wrong with him. He didn't treat me wrong and he couldn't have done anything differently. I feel like it's easier when there's actually something you can blame the whole break-up on. That they weren't attentive enough or that you yourself have to sort things out in your head. But when it's just that you've fallen in love with someone else just because they were a different kind of person entirely, what else can you say? "I'm breaking it off, but don't think there's anything wrong with you, you were perfect, but anyways, so long".

 

Tl;dr IT'S HARD TO BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE ISN'T A PROPER EXPLANATION YOU CAN GIVE FOR IT.

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I feel like if I'm ever to truly find success with women then I'm going to have to start getting out of my comfort zone and going to bars or something because I just don't understand how else to find someone. I recently ended things with a girl from Brazil I was dating because of the language barrier issue and because I couldn't connect to her emotionally in the way I wanted to. But it's like any time I find someone they are from some other country which makes dating them so difficult. I've tried all sorts of dating websites. Even really niche ones. But never really had much success. I'd really just like to connect with someone from my state (Or country at this point) some how but it just never seems to work out that way. I've recently turned 24 and I'm still without much success. 

 

To the people who have had relative success with dating can you tell me how you do it? Do you date other visual kei fans or are cold approaches with randoms really the way to go? And to the women of this forum. How did you find your boyfriend? Did they message you somewhere or did they cold approach you at university or a concert or something? I'd really like to hear from the perspective of some of you here. 

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19 minutes ago, lichtlune said:

And to the women of this forum. How did you find your boyfriend? Did they message you somewhere or did they cold approach you at university or a concert or something? I'd really like to hear from the perspective of some of you here. 

Lol, don't think that all the women here are just passively waiting for someone to contact them. I chased after my elusive boyfriend (now husband) for two years before he succumbed, and I was the one taking the lead.

 

To answer the rest of your questions: I met mine on this forum. He used to be around back in the day, so I got into talking with him and realised he's just the kind of a jerk I wanna marry and proceeded to hunt him down like a wild animal. 

 

To answer a question you didn't ask: Dating someone from another country is not such a difficult feat if either of you is willing to move. I was itching to get out of my own country and it so happened my love interest lived in a country I liked, so I moved after we had dated for about... half a year. 

Edited by The Bread Wolf

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25 minutes ago, The Bread Wolf said:

Lol, don't think that all the women here are just passively waiting for someone to contact them. I chased after my elusive boyfriend (now husband) for two years before he succumbed, and I was the one taking the lead.

 

To answer the rest of your questions: I met mine on this forum. He used to be around back in the day, so I got into talking with him and realised he's just the kind of a jerk I wanna marry and proceeded to hunt him down like a wild animal. 

 

To answer a question you didn't ask: Dating someone from another country is not such a difficult feat if either of you is willing to move. I was itching to get out of my own country and it so happened my love interest lived in a country I liked, so I moved after we had dated for about... half a year. 

I guess I've just never had someone aggressively pursue me in such a way so I thought it mustn't happen very often. I suppose I could be swayed into moving to another country but I would have to abandon my family and try to learn a new language/find a job some how. And of course there's the whole citizenship problem. Just seems like a lot of work that might not even be worth it in the end. But I'm happy it worked out for you!

Edited by lichtlune

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I met my first boyfriend in my driveway when he came to drop his sister off, and my last ex I randomly met on the sidewalk. Sooo as far as meeting someone goes.. it quite literally can happen anywhere?

 

I'm honestly wondering how to get back into dating myself. lol I haven't met anyone who's made me think I want to try going on a date with them in the past year and it's kind of annoying. At the same time, it's hella nice finally feeling comfortable with being single and being by myself. I'm not really into dating casually but I don't meet anyone, don't have any friends near me to introduce me to anyone, etc. Dating sites don't work for me because I start trolling tf out of people. lol I have severe dating apathy because my last relationship was abusive.

 

Weird gut feeling, but for awhile now I've felt like there's someone really special for me but I just haven't met them/don't live near them currently, and that I'd meet them when I'm 24. I kind of laughed it off but the feeling won't go away and it's hella weird because I don't believe in soulmates. I turn 24 next year so I'm kind of wondering what'll happen. I feel like I'm nuts because it's such a strong feeling. I felt this during my last relationship, especially when we were planning on getting married, my gut sank and I just immediately thought, "This isn't the person I'm meant to spend my life with". I have a lot of stuff planned for next year after my birthday which is even weirder. Should I question it? I'm pretty sure if I told my friends they'd tell me I'm cray.

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You guys are 24 and think you're old and it's too late? I'm almost 30 and all this dating stuff is a weird thing for me. I tried it only once, with a girl, and I hated it, lmao. I also don't have to try to look pretty when I'm not looking for anyone, I want to eat my unhealthy food and don't waste hours on beauty stuff (maybe I should have been born a man, lmao). When I was younger I used to dream about a relationship until I was in one... doing something I dislike to please the other person is not really fun... it also costs money and requires so much effort and you don't even know if it's worth it in the end.

 

My main concern is whether I'm asexual/aromantic (or both, or maybe I'm actually straight and I don't know it???), or if it's something normal to feel. It's scary to see all these people living in a certain way, while I'm not even sure how it all works and I don't know what I want anymore. Is it also normal that if I were in a relationship I wouldn't like to tell anyone, especially my family? I don't want people's attention on me, it's not something to brag about to others... it's rather private.

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28 minutes ago, Nyasagi said:

My main concern is whether I'm asexual/aromantic (or both, or maybe I'm actually straight and I don't know it???), or if it's something normal to feel. It's scary to see all these people living in a certain way, while I'm not even sure how it all works and I don't know what I want anymore

Whichever you are, it's normal and you should not feel pressured to be anything else. You can also be asexual and straight, meaning that you just feel very little sexual attraction to the opposite sex, or the attraction requires a lot. If you feel like finding out is too taxing, you do you. It's perfectly normal to be happy without "that special someone" everyone keeps ushering you to find asap. 

 

30 minutes ago, Nyasagi said:

Is it also normal that if I were in a relationship I wouldn't like to tell anyone, especially my family? I don't want people's attention on me, it's not something to brag about to others... it's rather private.

This, I feel, should be normal where it's not. I think a relationship is your business and whether you wanna disclose it with family members or relatives is up to you. I certainly hated it whenever my family had some sort of fucking massive gathering and all half-relatives and whatnots were asking: "So do you have a boyfriend yet? Are you interested in anyone?" No, great aunt or who the fuck ever you are, none of your fucking beeswax. Not to mention I absolutely disliked the fact that they were expecting me to like guys instead of girls, but that's beside the point. I never liked fitting into a mould.

 

That's a lot of swearing. Sorry about that. 

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52 minutes ago, The Bread Wolf said:

Whichever you are, it's normal and you should not feel pressured to be anything else. You can also be asexual and straight, meaning that you just feel very little sexual attraction to the opposite sex, or the attraction requires a lot. If you feel like finding out is too taxing, you do you. It's perfectly normal to be happy without "that special someone" everyone keeps ushering you to find asap. 

 

This, I feel, should be normal where it's not. I think a relationship is your business and whether you wanna disclose it with family members or relatives is up to you. I certainly hated it whenever my family had some sort of fucking massive gathering and all half-relatives and whatnots were asking: "So do you have a boyfriend yet? Are you interested in anyone?" No, great aunt or who the fuck ever you are, none of your fucking beeswax. Not to mention I absolutely disliked the fact that they were expecting me to like guys instead of girls, but that's beside the point. I never liked fitting into a mould.

 

That's a lot of swearing. Sorry about that. 

I'm not sure, I struggle between bisexuality, gray asexuality, and asexuality. My sexuality has been confusing me since I was a teenager. I thought I was into women, but it didn't work, I didn't like it (both romantically and sexually) and men scare me because I'm not good looking and I'm not attracted to most of them anyway. Figuring it out can be stressful sometimes, because I don't even know who I am.

 

Your swearing doesn't bother me. It's good to know I'm not the only one, who thinks that way... and my mom would make a big deal out of hearing about some partner, she's the gossipy type who really gets interested too much even if I'm having only female friends over :/ (so I rarely invite people)

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9 minutes ago, Nyasagi said:

I'm not sure, I struggle between bisexuality, gray asexuality, and asexuality. My sexuality has been confusing me since I was a teenager. I thought I was into women, but it didn't work, I didn't like it (both romantically and sexually) and men scare me because I'm not good looking and I'm not attracted to most of them anyway. Figuring it out can be stressful sometimes, because I don't even know who I am.

You know what. It can be difficult, but the only advice that I can give to that is to stop thinking about it. People love to categorise themselves, I know, but when you seem to fit multiple lockers or none at all, stressing about it is just not beneficial. I've often wondered myself whether I'm bi or pan or whatever, even being told by gay people that I'm gay (which is not true, being that I'm married to a member of the opposite sex), but I get most happiness out of just not trying do define it and go along with what feels alright. Sure this can strip you off of any community you might want to be part of (especially LGBTQ+ community can be so fucking toxic within itself and discriminate against people they don't feel are queer enough to fit with their little niche), but it's better than fitting yourself into a group and constantly being aware that you aren't truly a part of it. 

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So there is this girl with glasses, who braids her hair in my Tutorium on Tuesday's and who will presumably be in some of them next semester, but I don't really know what to do next.

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Ack, this thread existed? I think I'll be in this club for a while *pulls up a chair and sits down*

 

Still single and probably will be for a while. Currently, I'm focusing on school and would like to wait until I feel my life is steadier (if a relationship happens). A friend of mine asked me if I ever planned to date and/or get married, and it got me thinking that whatever happens will happen. If it happens, then that's great. If it doesn't, then that's fine with me (personally). I've never had any serious relationships. I almost had one a long time ago, but it fell through due to complicated reasons as usual ^^; 

 

I think the mentality of "you have to be dating someone" is a bit odd. Each individual has the choice of whether they want to be in a relationship with someone or not. No one else has that right to tell you (in general, no one in particular) that "you should be dating someone" since you are the one who will be experiencing the relationship, not anyone else.

 

Also, I don't want to be in a relationship with someone to validate my existence. I feel quite content with who I am and I don't want someone else telling me about myself. I'm up for changing into being a better person or compromising with other people to make things work, but I think you should stick true to who you are and not morph into someone else completely different that makes you feel unhappy/uncomfortable. I've seen people be in a relationship and completely change themselves because of their partner. It makes me sad to see this because I believe people in a relationship are equals, not subservient to their partner. (I'm speaking in general terms and not about any specific circumstances/situations.) 

 

(Yikes, this post was longer than I intended 😅 I apologize if I didn't make any sense. It's almost three am over here, and I'm somewhat tired, but I wanted to respond, lol.)

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i feel like this guy might be into me but i suck ass at talking to people and now the semester's almost over and i have a feeling that i might not have class with him again next semester so yeah there's goes my chance lmao

 

also, i have a feeling that the first person i'll date is non-asian (i'm asian) as the majority of my crushes aren't asian. i don't know, i'm sorta detached from the asian community, but then again i'm detached from people in general lol....but i've had more decent conversations with non-asians in the past cuz i could talk about my actual interests rather than focus on our cultures. i'm not that integrated with my culture so it's kinda hard to talk about. ofc, i'm willing to date anyone no matter their race tho. just kinda makes me wonder who i'll end up with.

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i think im just a lost cause at this point lmao i was in so many fucked relationships through my teenage and young adult years i just have 0 interest nowadays going through all that again, but at the same time it would be nice for a healthy relationship to work out

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6 hours ago, chipathy said:

i think im just a lost cause at this point lmao i was in so many fucked relationships through my teenage and young adult years i just have 0 interest nowadays going through all that again, but at the same time it would be nice for a healthy relationship to work out

I want to say i agree with this.... but honestly looking back.. it was me. I was the problem. I was really closed off and I was too scared to ever let anyone get really close so in the end (90% of the time) I broke up with them because I felt like they'd break up with me. I don't know that I'm meant for relationships.... but i've finally gotten over that 'I'm sad and I need someone being single sucks' hill. If I am meant to be with someone it will happen whether i choose it or not... So I might as well focus on my mental health first to be ready for when i meet that person.

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I have been in a relationship for almost nine years, which ended on my birthday on January 8th, when my former boyfriend suddenly left me while I was having dinner at a Chinese restaurant with my family. We lived in the same apartment and he took most of his stuff, such as our dog, without asking me if he could take her with him in the first place. He simply apologized for leaving, telling me he wasn't good enough for me. At first I thought he might have some mental health issues, why I wanted to help him, but later I found out that he had actually cheated on me with another woman since a few months already and was living at her place now. He also never got the rest of his stuff and I never got an explanation or an apology. 

 

I was always happy with him and thought of him as my soulmate, since we always got along very well and I enjoyed spending time with him. He had also been the only person I was really able to trust and I just knew he understood me. Besides that he often told me that he loved me and I helped him a lot during the years with his jobs, money, education and everything he needed. 

 

He really isn't the man he used to be anymore. I know that people change, but he changed in a pretty negative way. When I met him nine years ago, it was important to him to be loyal to your partner, he never wanted kids, he disliked the smell of cigarettes and he despised women who would show off their naked body to everyone else. But now he is with a woman who has a child from another man, who's a smoker and sells nudes online. There are just so many things I don't understand, since I have always been a loyal partner to him and I did anything to make him happy. And now, whenever he opens his mouth, I hear nothing but lies. He lied to me and he is lying to his new girlfriend, but she of course wouldn't believe me. Also she is a stalker, who acts as if she liked the exact same things as I do and tries to copy me. I blocked her everywhere and I broke off the contact to my former boyfriend too. But I am sorry for my dog and I truly miss her, even though I am sure he takes care of her. 


At the moment it is hard for me to trust people. I really can't think of having another relationship – at least not in a while. It would be unfair to someone who is actually honest and loyal, but I would always mistrust them, asking myself if they're cheating and so on. But nobody deserves that. 

Sorry for the long text and thank you for reading. I could have said so many more about the whole topic, but for now I think it is enough to understand what I mean.

Edited by Koumori

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It was his dog too, but you are right, it is unacceptable. Especially because I think you don't just vanish after almost 9 years without giving a proper explanation.

 

We have talked it out though and I am letting him keep the dog. My family and friends encouraged me to get another dog for just myself, because it would help me to feel better and in about three weeks I am going to adopt a Shiba Inu puppy.

 

I have to admit though, that I do miss my other dog a lot and I am still disappointed, since I don't think anyone deserves a break up like that. But life goes on and I will just make the best out of the situation!

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Even though he did me wrong, I can't simply act as if I hated him, because I always loved and cared about him.

 

Still I think you don't need people like that in your life and I might be better off without him in the end. Also it doesn't mean that I won't ever meet anyone else again I develop feelings for. :'D

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only had a relationship for 6 months at age 21, worst experience of my life emotionally as i couldn't really handle emotional stuff

i'm avoidant of romantic relationship in general but i got curious to try it out with someone i liked

i wouldn't really dare to try it out if i wasn't curious and already like the person

i can't really blame anyone but myself for having emotional problems along the way as everything was very new to me and it all felt fake and weird as almost everything was very one sided. he fell for me hard but i couldn't reciprocate it back

i couldn't really handle someone loving me i guess since i can't find any logic in it for me to understand and almost always in panic mode

nothing really big happened but i just couldnt really handle relationship overall, i already have trouble maintaining friendships so it only make sense for my romantic endeavors to also fall apart. i'm too avoidant and too distant to engage anything personal and emotional

reasons also why i like to hang out with people who i consider just acquaintances. we don't see often as much but have time to for fun and activities that doesn't involve anything about ourselves. just us doing stuff together with our hobbies and talking about common interests

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Ugh. Recently single and it's weird. I've been in long term relationships for over 10 years now and this is the first time I'm having a breather and well...I don't know how to single. Then again based on my track record I don't know how to be a keeper either 😂

 

I need to focus on myself for a while as I keep giving my all in relationships and just tiring myself out emotionally. I've really neglected myself for a long time. I'm finally moving out of the family home soon though (fingers crossed!) so I think having my own space and my own time should really help. 

 

However I crave that attention already so I'm inadvertently checking out the ladies, and due to the way I am I feel guilty and pervy for it. On the one hand I want to be with someone, on the other I think I should just have fun...and yet the latter isn't me at all. SO MUCH INTERNAL CONFLICT! 

 

 

 

 

(brb gotta learn to function on my own XD) 

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