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random thoughts thread

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I'm being suffocated by all these holidays of plastic junk. When I go to the shop, in order to survive since not like there's any other place to get food while you're in a city specifically in order to survive both winter and abet starvation alike, my fucking apples and cabbages are being strangled by the sights and sounds made out of shit shipped over from some third world shit hole that's being kept a shit-hole in perpetuum in order continue keep the ships of rubbish afloat and running for the benefit of the endless accumulation of garbage. Rotting from inside, the buildings in erosion and on my way to work I count the empty bottles on the sidewalk and wonder what sort of masochistic affection I have towards all life's nonsense that I just don't drink every day out of spite, but instead eat lentils and broccoli and go to gym to keep a healthy libido to fuck until my designated decline and end. One tries to find beauty somewhere, and yet is crippled by acute self-awareness and unable to convince oneself that such exists in anything but illusion and in consciously compromising ones critical faculties. What will I do when I can't even shit by my own damn self, and when I finally resign myself all my hopes of dissolving within cracks of the social fabric and unravelling it from the inside and bury them before me like a son sent home from the battlefield.

 

I've been trying to figure out whether the world was at least a modicum more tolerable before American culture shat all over it and deprived civilisation of its last vestiges of pride & dignity, only to realise that the only difference now is that we're just too self-aware to be proud of anything, and anyone putting themselves in front of a gun was probably just overcompensating because he was molested or lacked physical connection with a parent during early infancy. 

 

In my family there's a child, not ours but one taken in out of good will and philantrophy -this is a lie-, who's on the steady downward spiral that are usually being met by those from similar backgrounds of deprivation and abuse. I try to look into his eyes to find something there, a shred of humanity or compassion, and all I'm able to see is just painfully dull; so achingly dull in fact that I don't even care as we descend together into the usual petty crime, which has already begun, and with age comes alcoholism and drug abuse leading either to death or religious conversion. I remember at a class reunion years ago when one of my classmates had gotten back to the straight and narrow after having sniffed enough glue to have Jesus himself manifest in front of his eyes was wondering whether tattoos would be okay for one in with the Lord. Unfortunately I couldn't say, and in my mind I tried to admire animal vigour it takes to go so deep in such a thing, but I got bored even just half-way into the thought. 

 

Convictions and conversions don't come easy. I could still bank in on some cataclysmic event to come along and shake up mine foundations and give some raison detre along my way, and I suppose in living the lifestyle I did, and to an extent still do, it was definitely on its way in some form. Almost a month back being drunk as I was I tried to straddle my way home in the middle of the night I was accosted by a back alley robber & adventurer possibly angered by something I had said before in the pub nearby, and in defense of my honor and belongings I engage in ill-conceived battle which I promptly went on to lose catastrophically. The first punch I caught while on straight feet, and as I was keeling over I remember being as joyous as I ever was that at least something was fucking going on in my life finally. Nevertheless, after putting up a less than commendable effort I take a few more punches for my efforts and being off my arse drunk as I was, I am left shaking my first and shouting as he takes of with my bag in victory. Trying to compose myself I come to realise i'm concussed, and the blood coming out of my mouth isn't helping either, I start vomiting profusely and next thing I know I wake up in a hospital in a foreign country where no one naturally speaks any English. After foiling my attempts at leaving politely by vomiting some more while trying to provide proof of my sobriety, I hatch a plot of daring escape where waiting for the nurses to be at the furthest edges of the two adjoining rooms; and so I run off for freedom through accumulating numbers of doors and identical rooms of seemingly no purpose whatsoever. As I make it to freedom, taking in a long, well-deserved breath of fresh big city air, I miraculously manage to navigate my living corpse to my lodgings covered in blood and vomit with barely even a quarter of my faculties left bearing with me. 

 

Coming home I collapse on the bed and still, incredibly enough with the rush of violence well past behind me, I couldn't care less. About this life, about this world nor about anyone residing in it. There are fireworks going off outside, and I'm supposed to go the New year's party at my work place and I don't want to. I'm hoping to get ill before I have to go so that I'll at least have an excuse and won't feel bad about lying. I got one hour left. 

 

Edited by Disposable

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Fuck China.

It is a beautiful country (geographically) and I would kinda like to see those mountains and rivers and historical buildings in person, but I am not setting foot there while it's a communist dictatorship.

Besides that, since Canada arrested the Huawei lady, I run the risk of being arrested/tortured/executed for being a spy.

 

Also, I don't really understand how this happened, but my mother, who grew up in China and had her family's property and assets confiscated during the Great Leap Forward and had to escape illegally to Hong Kong, is still extremely patriotic to China and Mao Zedong. Every time the news mentions the Huawei situation, she starts ranting about how Canada is stupid for arresting her, and China is justified in arresting those Canadians. I've explained "extradition treaty" to her 3 times but she doesn't understand. (She's also very happy Xi Jinping has become supreme leader or whatever, and thinks it's totally fine that Chinese citizens who criticize the government get jailed and worse)

 

By the way, go look up what's happening in Xinjiang province with the Uyghurs (and other minorities). Disgusting and abhorrent.

Fuck China.

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The beginning of this year has been unexpectedly positive so far. It's too soon, I'm still sad, but you're really cute and you're saying everything I need to hear rn soooooo... I guess we'll see where this goes.

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I just got a new job, a job that I wanted, that I was so excited for, and was SO worried that I bombed the interview. Turns out, I ACED it, and they're super excited to have me on board! And I'm so excited to be working after being unemployed for almost three months. It has been a long couple months, but I am kind of glad my old job let me go, since I now have a job that I want, and wouldn't have really pursued it otherwise. 

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L840t6X.png

 

yikes.... I've noticed that many Western intellectuals and philosophers of today seem to practically worship IQ/the intellect. I've also noticed that many of them cannot see the forest for the trees.

 

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