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Would love to stop feeling like everyone hates me for a hot minute. I try to be so positive with myself and remind myself I've come a long way, but I always worry I'm inconveniencing others by just existing. Which is pretty effed. My work offers free counselling so debating going or to the women's circle but I'm scared ugh.

 

Recovering from emotional abuse sucks asssss. 

 

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17 hours ago, jiji94 said:

Super feel you on this. I don't experience jealousy and I told my last partner upfront I'm not and would not tolerate him being jealous. I lived with a guy friend for a year and some people would ask me, "Oh, won't your boyfriend get jealous?". Like, no? He lived with all girls and it never phased me one bit. I actually preferred that he lived with girls. 

 

People sometimes react like I'm some sort of creature from outer space because I don't care if other women flirt with my boyfriends. Why should I..? 

 

My last boyfriend was an isolator but did it subtly. He started getting jealous shortly before I left him and it was so suffocating. It hurt. He was always trying to get me to "compromise" everything for him and would get upset when I didn't. Never again.

 

I'm also this way with crushes. I confess, get rejected, stay friends. I have no issue with rejection or remaining friends. A lot of people can't understand it for some reason. I don't stay friends with the hope of having something someday. Most people who've rejected me have had no problem staying friends with me and don't use me (probably because they're good people). I'm usually pretty quick to clear up any form of awkwardness but also believe that awkwardness is natural. I just like being honest, idk. 

 

 

 

 

 

I don't normally  experience jealousy either. The time I did, my bf was spending a year in Japan and wasn't communicating with me well, all the while spending all his time with his new friend so I had no idea what was happening. But at the at the very start, said bf used to feel jealous because I hang around guys mainly, but it stopped pretty soon after it was clear there was nothing to actually worry about, plus I completely ignored those feelings from him and so he got over it. I know it sounds harsh, but it worked. 

 


 

 I have lost about three friends this year, because their gfs couldn't stand the fact that we were friends.  It makes me sick to my stomach how normalised toxic jealousy is in this country. I just lost a friend of ten years because of that. He literally had to hide and sneak around just to message me, which gives the wrong message since I'm not a side chick lol! So I just said "you made your choice. Let's move on." I'm crushed. But what can I do? 

People always ask me if my bf is jealous that I go to friends' houses without him, or that I travel to Brazil without him. It's like... We're not the same person.  We don't need to be fucking glued to each other.

I hear a lot of people talking about how much they sacrifice to be in certain relationships and how much they're censoring themselves. imo it's a lot better if you have a friendship-based relationship than a dictatorship-based one because then you don't have to hide anything from each other and trust will flourish. 

Yesterday my cousin typed something on YouTube and an unrelated video popped up of a really sexy music video. His gf saw, got visibly annoyed and slapped him a few times and tried to take his phone away. lol???? If that was my bf I would have asked him if we could watch it together or something.

I DON'T GET IT (screams into void).

 

 

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i'm so late to the party but inside beast by the gzt is fucking killer. i've had it on repeat for the past little while and i don't think i've EVER had a vk song on back-to-back repeat before looool

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I get so uncomfortable when I run into my classmates (the ones I don't really talk to much) somewhere outside of school. Like, should I just walk past them and pretend I didn't notice them? Or should I say hi? Did they even recognize me? Would I just make them uncomfortable if I said hi? I have a feeling I may be overthinking this stuff again and making it more complicated than it needs to be...

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I just got offered a full time job in my field which is what everyone with my degree could want except for the fact that they are paying me literally a third of what they should. 

 

What really pissed me off though is my employer went to snoop at my FB profile, found out I plan on going to Japan in April and made a huge deal about it. How dare I make vacation plans two months before being offered a job, wow. 

 

I kinda hate my life right now.

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Man, I have so many downs in life but then really amazing, helpful people pop up and reassure me and remind me of my worth. I don't think they realize how grateful I am to them because it's impossible to convey how much it means to me. But ahh just had such a moving, life changing moment with someone trying to help me and I don't know how to process all of the emotions. 

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Dear dickhead from Ohio, 
Yes... I DO want to talk about you blocking the intersection, so don't threaten to talk like a big man to someone who legit looked like a kid on the way home from school, but then drove away when they actually start to talk back to you. You look like such a loser now.

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Ugh, I wish I had the courage to cut my hair short again (although it's a short bob now) and wear men's clothing. I wish I could just accept that that is me like I used to before I suddenly went hyper femme. 

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16 minutes ago, jiji94 said:

Ugh, I wish I had the courage to cut my hair short again (although it's a short bob now) and wear men's clothing. I wish I could just accept that that is me like I used to before I suddenly went hyper femme. 

You know, I never really thought about the courage thing when I wanted to cut my hair short, shave it for a deathhawk, shave off my eyebrows and show up to school the next day with none drawn on. Didn't really really regret any of it. Yea I argued with mom on the hair thing but shaving my eyebrows I just did in my room bc I got bored and wanted to do more with makeup :3 

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