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patientZERO

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patientZERO last won the day on November 21 2019

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About patientZERO

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  1. I don't know what to do ... my girlfriend of three years told me she really has no interest to ever get married. Happy Valentine's Day. I feel like I've wasted a lot of time, effort, money, and emotion. I'm not worth it.

    1. Show previous comments  9 more
    2. BrenGun

      BrenGun

      but you are only 3 years together. Maybe she is still afraid that if she get married that up you guys break up fast or things get boring.

       

       

      Many japanese who get married end up unhappy pretty fast afterwards. 

      also nowadays young japanese just don't wanna get married.

      Thats how it is 

       

       

       

      if you really really love her, stay with her, otherwise break up and find someone who wants to marry.

       

       

       

      I do chat with a japanese guy for some years now. he is married, has kids.. BUT his wife never want to share the bed with him...

      he says he is happy with her... but well, I guess she is not. and thats what happens a lot...so marrige isn't always pure happiness.

    3. patientZERO

      patientZERO

      Thank you all for your advice. I left the ball in her court after this all happened earlier today, so I'm just going to sit and wait. She knows this is a big deal and maybe she just needs time to process everything, but all I know is there's nothing I can do about it right now other than cry. It saddens me that she's flip-flopped about this issue, but it saddens me more and I fear how she'll react if this truly isn't the life she wants and I move on, or at least try to.

    4. CAT5

      CAT5

      Firstly, my condolences bro. Very sorry to hear this. Had you proposed to her already?

       

      Secondly, you said "i'm not worth it". Throw that bullshit thought in the trash where it belongs. I know you are hurt, and I feel your pain, but just because this chick doesn't want to marry, it doesn't mean that you are not worth it, or that you're not worth marrying. You gotta it in your head that "you're the prize" no matter what, and realize and respect your own worth.

       

      Lastly, I know you love this girl, but if you truly want to marry and this girl does not want to, then I think you'd be doing yourself a huge disservice by staying with her (and eventually causing yourself more pain). If you stay hoping that this girl will change her mind, then you will only be deceiving yourself (and wasting more time).

       

      If you want to marry - stand on that, and do not change YOUR vision just because SHE wants something else. Think about it. This girl been with you three years. That's way more than enough time to decide if you want to marry someone or not. Look at this for what it is and do not deceive yourself. You've been dating this girl for 3 years, and she doesn't want to commit? Basically, she letting you know "i'm ok with fucking this dude and wasting his time, but I don't want to commit to him. I'll just hang around until #1 I get bored, or #2 I find something else".

       

      Let your Yes be your yes, and your No's be your No's - anything else is manipulation.

       

      You ain't gotta go out like that bro.

       

      Many people do not understand marriage. Marriage is not a piece of paper. It's not a social construct, it's not a financial agreement, a legal contract, a ring or a dress. It's literally the process of two becoming one.

       

      If that is what you truly desire, you cannot afford to waste your time and energy on wishy-washy people who are not intentional. People who just wanna drift and "see where things go". Nah, fuck that. Relationships are serious, and from what you've told us about this girl, she just seems to want the benefits of a relationship without the commitment. And that's suspect as hell...

       

      Obviously, you should make your own decision...and whatever you choose to do, make sure you're doing it because YOU truly want to do it....don't do anything just to please this girl, and definitely don't do anything out of the fear of how she'll respond. Do it FOR YOU.

       

      And I'll leave with this. But if you if you decide to part ways with this girl, realize that there are PLENTY of women out there that want the same thing that you do. Do not sacrifice your values for this girl thinking that you won't find anyone else. Because you certainly will....and you'll find someone who WILL happy to embrace your values and chase your goals WITH YOU. That's a far better deal than dealing with this silliness.

       

      When I met my woman, I let her know from the very beginning what my plans were and what I expected. I ain't got time to play these wishy-washy games with anyone. I don't play any of that shit. Now at that point, it was up to her whether she wanted to join me or keep it moving. She decided to come along for the ride.

       

      You don't have to tolerate anything that you don't want to. Don't sell yourself short.

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