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patientZERO

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patientZERO last won the day on November 21 2019

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  1. I don't know what to do ... my girlfriend of three years told me she really has no interest to ever get married. Happy Valentine's Day. I feel like I've wasted a lot of time, effort, money, and emotion. I'm not worth it.

    1. Show previous comments  12 more
    2. karai · ebi

      karai · ebi

      CAT5 put it way more eloquently than I can, but I agree...I don't ever understand the point of 'trying' to make things work by forcing square pegs into round holes for the rest of your life in misery missing out on what you really wanted.
      To me, someone must love an equal amount that I do them, and if it was socially acceptable I'd definitely be one of those people that just delivers a written list of things that are most important / non-negotiable to me up front and want to know the same of them, because why not? Shouldn't utmost honesty be the foundation of being bound with another person. Idealistic, whatever, but you should never compromise your own ideals, it'll only rot away whatever love you had initially until it's an empty shell and the partnership becomes just one more disaster you can see in public (or at dysfunctional holidays) every day.


      While it's tempting to want to please the person you love above yourself, I don't recommend it, especially not for something you hold so seriously.
      This is from someone who cannot care less for institutional marriage, only for the practice of being bonded together that transcends state. Which seems to be very important to you, and at three years...it really isn't that long, there are many many more people out there who holds your ideals as seriously as you do. Good luck

    3. Prophet

      Prophet

      I'm sorry to hear that mate. I totally feel you. However, I honestly think you shouldnt force your way of thinking to your gf. The idea of marriage should come from 2 parties.

       

      I know it's a harsh truth, but rn you have 2 options:

      1. Stop right away before it hurts you more later in the future.

      2. Keep going dont give up if you think she's worth fighting for.

       

      Nobody else here or in the world can decide those options for you. You are the one who comprehends the whole situation and your own feeling. So take a breather, give yourself time to re-think everything and then make a decision. Insert image from URL

       

      Hope for the best, mate.

    4. patientZERO

      patientZERO

      Thank you for taking the time out of your day to write all that down for me CAT. It's definitely what I needed to hear and now I have a lot of thinking to do. I woke up to a message from her saying how she loved me and can't imagine her life without me, but is afraid of getting married and having kids because once you do that you don't have an escape (I'm paraphrasing). I still am a bit in the dark at how she feels as she hasn't been able to really explain herself clearly, but we plan on having a sit-down conversation about it all tomorrow. I'm going to explain myself better and say that if she has any doubts on whether she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, then she should maybe spend some time without me to think it over. It's not like I proper proposed to her, this was just the conversation before I should really start planning my life around that, but I was thinking about proposing soon (this year) and now it's all thrown out of whack.

      Maybe I put too much thought and effort and weight into this relationship, and that's partially my fault, as I've really only had her on my mind in regards to our future. I wasn't think about bettering myself or even where I would want to be in my life in the future. I just knew that I wanted her to be a part of it.

      Thank you again, all, for your kind (and sometimes harsh, but definitely needed) words. This situation is still raw and still new and all still shaky. But I feel better about it all now than I did before. Nervous, but better.

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