Jump to content

Passing Stranger

Members
  • Content Count

    1
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About Passing Stranger

  • Rank
    Maria's Cross
  1. Passing Stranger

    Hi, I'm a Japanese student just stopping by to drop some information that might be useful for the translation. 1) If we stretch a bit the meaning of 無意識 and 意識 they might refer to "the state of consciousness/unconsciousness". This would make some sense since in the previous sentence it is asked "Do you understand (perhaps "know" might work a bit better) that time?" hinting to a time or a state. 2) In the following stanza, you gave to the sentence an emphasis with that "how" which actually is not present in the Japanese lyrics, in reality it would more like this "my morals/wander without comprehending/ these savage emotions". 3) In the third stanza I think the first two lines are part of the same sentence as there's a 連用形 conjugation between the two, it could sound like these: "Shutting my eyes to my inexperience/ and scattering the poison just turns (everything) to shit". 4) The expression 毒を撒き散らす sounded a bit strange to me, so I decided to look a bit more into it. It is no idiomatic expression, still it sounds oddly familiar to the expression 毒を吐く (lit. "spitting/vomiting poison) which actually means "to reveal one's hate/to speak ill of someone": the expression used in a song might be a way to reinforce to concept that someone not only spit poison, but also scattered it all around (meaning that not only spoke ill of someone, but poured this hate in everything else). 5) In the fourth stanza you put "I" as the subject, but to me it sounds more like the subject is "those sinful days". Also, the present form in Japanese is more correctly callled "non-past form" as it could refer also to the future---> a possible translation: "Oh, those sinful days/ will exist alongside my rusted past". 6) In the last stanza you forgot "scary" ---> "Each day's faults are a scary past that cannot be changed". Sorry for the perhaps too many points, you did a great job in the translation, hope my suggestion might help improving your already great work. Cheers!
×
×
  • Create New...