Manji 卍

i know what you're talking about, my first ex commited suicide a year ago. of course it's not as bad as losing your relatives, i can't even imaging how horrifying it must be. but being half dead - well, i know that feeling. life is a fucking joke huh. i don't even think focusing on new things is a good solution - suppressing your inner thoughts doesn't solve the problem. idk what will work for you, but i've read some books and they helped me accept different things. i still don't think life is a piece of cake or something meaningful but now i'm like okay whatever, let's have some nice moments at least before i end up in grave

@yomii your thoughts makes sense again,and sorry about your ex. I really need this "whatever" button in my life. But we need something meaningful to hang on while "enjoying" these moments, don't you agree? like a well succeeded career,family and a true love. My cat and my geek stuff won't give me the "structure" I need to stay strong living in this shit world

you know such things as successful career, family and true love are not so common, even among people who don't struggle with depression...but i think the point is in trying to achieve such things anyway. maybe you will achieve an ideal, maybe you won't, but step by step you will make your life much more comfortable. you've said you have some things to finish, and you want to find a better job, so it means you do have some goals in life, so, can't these goals themselves become your "structure" instead of geek stuff? if you find a better job that will be your first step to a good career. and maybe you'll meet the love of your life there~ maybe not, who knows. but anyway it will be more comfortable to work in a place that doesn't disguist you.
tell me about your cat btw .w.

It depends on your playstyle (what you're accustomed to), if you're more of a "wild"-one then maybe Bloodborne is for you. Dark Souls 2 was the easiest for me, Demon Souls is hard.

@merchenticneurosis   I'm seriously thinking about quitting demon for a while and starting over with the dark series, I do have patience (I play fatal frame for example)  and I love the medieval ambient,but I always end up punching my joystick lol

@Manji 卍 Yes, DS is easier, but it's still hard xD

I used to not be, until I considered a possibility we might instead of being in oblivion, come back endlessly and be forced to live again and again.

I mean even if it's not technically us and we're not really aware...but coming back to live as a human ever again who may be in even shittier conditions, or be ignorant, uncreative, cruel or unquestioning of how fucked society is, is way scarier than death.
I'm not religious, but I can't not think of it that way as a transfer of energy or something. And what if all the people who've claimed to regressed to their past life in deep meditation aren't just in elaborate hallucination, no thanks. Oblivion for me.

@colorfuljinsei I really hate any kind of religion,but it's tough for me to be "totally" atheist,cuz I already saw a girl possessed right before my eyes. So, unfortunately the "beyond" isn't necessary a fantasy. If I had absolute sure that hell or things like that doesn't even exist, I'd be certainly dead by now,but this kind of thought keeps holding me back

i do not value life too much and i also believe that there is a certain flow of energy so a "soul" or whatever you call it won't vanish completely. but as a biological organism i'm afraid af and it's only natural. would be fun to overcome instincts but i can't.

@Disposable today's not a good day, huh?

@platy

check out the dadaroma thread and it won't be good for you either 

@Disposable if you can't beat 'em, make fun of them.

You guys are right,I really appreciated your thoughts on it.

I'm used to get "strength" from all these things I've collected and spent my time with since years. 

And recently I've been expecting to get the same strength (the reason I'm so into MH)  but it didn't work. Im always feeling Unfulfilled. Since I started my adult life,I'm feeling incredible oppressed,cuz I've screwed everything up and I'm not the young-adult I thought I'd be.

hey i hope you'll get better soon〜 mistakes are okay, feeling like shit is okay, it's all temporary. some time ago  you found out that geek stuff gives you strength, maybe later you'll find other things. it seems you have a rough time now but you know, if you failed something it doesn't mean everything is over. keep going in the direction you want. or take a break if you feel tired and don't know what to do yet. whatever is fine.

Didn't read everything, so maybe someone wrote it already:
It's one of your personality traits, just like technology Nerds are spending a fckn huge time with PC / Coding / Programing or stuff like this and spend most of there money on it or Music / Art anything. 
So see it as part of you, what makes you out/a bit of your person. 
You may got lost in a wrong though that's you now saw it like this? Cause I guess that's happens everyone with stuff like this by an time - but in the end the only thing which matters is that's it still makes you happy / you love it or things like this.

Yes go for it, formal lessons for anything are...optional unless you're being a surgeon or something.
Take it from someone who's wasted the past seven years and just now took the initiative to make use of my art. The only thing you can really have is regret, and you don't want that shit on top of everything else that sucks. Just push for whatever you're most passionate for cause it's all that matters really.

@Manji 卍 That's awesome! Guitar is an amazing instrument. Like the others have said, you should totally go for it. Music is a great way to express oneself, so don't let anything stop you from doing that.

As for resources, along with YouTube and books, there are many online sites with free guidance on how to read music/play acoustic guitar. There are also many sites that have free guitar scores for practice. When you start learning and ever need any help reading music, then don't hesitate to ask. (I'm not an expert on the guitar, but reading music is the same for all instruments.)

You can also produce music without knowing how to play anything. I have three projects going on at the moment (metal/punk/surf/rock/rap with a friend, electronica and rap), and I can't play shit. Hell, I can barely use a computer. But that's not a big problem in 2018. For the stuff requiring actual instruments I just write riffs on my computer (using guitar pro), add bass/drums/synth/whatever in the program and get people I know to record it for me/us.

Very easy. So anyone can become a musician in 2018. Not everyone can live off their music as that requires both skills and plenty, plenty luck, but everyone can have it as a hobby.

Oh... that's odd.i never thought about it before,I mean,I was sure that Deviloof would stay Deviloof. Well, perhaps it won't even change that much. The song baby don't cry is veery Deviloof and correct if I'm wrong but I think Seiya wasn't even present when they recorded that ,so...idk. the X factor is their new guitarist that looks like MiA and Bou at the same time

Well, Baby Don't Cry wasn't a Deviloof song too, but I understand your line of reasoning there. I guess we just have to wait and see how things turn out. I wish Hiroto didn't just disappear, though. Seiya is at least doing YouTube covers and such, while wearing Deviloof merch. But Hiroto just deleted everything from his twitter and has been super quiet (online) since.

yea,perhaps hiroto is going through some personal thing...

i'll be completely okay if Seiya just follow Ryuya's steps and join some serious band

and do what he likes to do,so we all would get one more great band in the game

waiting for your story.

exploiting such issues are too inappropriate for a forum like this.
it involves alcoholism,self harm,social phobia,death of relatives,suicide,etc.

i don't wanna look like someone trying to get attention,like: "why is this guy saying such stuff"

i know,when you writte sad things on internet,somehow you want to be noticed, 

and at the same time take a load off your shoulders.even annonymous,it is embarrassing.

i'll try to be as coherend as possible with the forum's policy while i speak out my mind,

cuz making texts is better than hurt myself sporadically. 

i wouldn't come up with any story of mine,now i just thought about some serious thread,basically like the random thoughts thread,but only for "depressive" stuff.

(sorry for the big text)

Nobody will treat you as an attentionwhore, I suppose. So, feel free to share your thoughts and create a thread. MH is pretty friendly board, after all.

Then just don't drink...

Be too busy, too tired to drink...

@BrenGun haha I wish it was that easy,but unfortunately there's a lot of stuff going on

oh wait yeah then you better stop.  in that case if i had to choose i'd better try to quit drinking than smoking tbh, drinking without smoking is a waste anyway. 

being busy with smth you're really interested in really helps btw, like, i won't drink if i know i have to do my homework, but im lucky i realised i love studying before it was too late. finding something you can really dedicate yourself to is not easy, especially when you are not feeling okay. just being super busy doesn't work - we all know how nice it is to reward yourself with some beer after an awful day.

you know i've never self-harmed, but i feel you in some way, coping with pain can be really difficult. i've heard therapists can help but if things were so easy you wouldn't bring up such themes in the first place huh?

https://www.instagram.com/karma_rands/ (also new twitter https://twitter.com/karma_rands)

Lol. It seems I have a pending follow request to him. 

Well,looks like he didn't give much attention on accepting the new followers in his accounts. All of this is very strange

Sure, that line is absolutely horrible, but Forge's lyrics were never anything particularly stellar.

Nevertheless, how does a single line encompass the quality of a whole album?

Another fantastic Ghost album, just like I expected. Superb!

Well,guys... it's a matter of personal taste.even on YouTube there's tons of different reviews of this album,not just that line,but 70% of the album didn't capture my attention, was completely different from what I expected.composition-wise it's not mediocre at all,it was well executed ,however,Tobias said it would be darker,black plague, apocalypse,stuff like that,but it just didn't please me.good that you guys enjoyed that.

So long as we're not dead we're still winning. Can't let bullshit win, keep up the fight.

Thank you all for the attention,guys

And sorry for typing such stuff here. I've deleted all my other social media,so this is the only place I can express myself from time to time

It's okay, plenty of people have used the forum for support.

Keisuke did some enka singing on the last track,I cracked so hard,you'll see lol

i’m waiting for them to put it up on spotify.  on facebook, they said “please don’t pirate it” or smth like that bc they worked really hard on it.  i like them enough that i’m willing to wait.  😂

@God the album is on the download section already

If you want really harsh lo-fi noisy depressive stuff, I recommend Endless Dismal Moan. It was the project of Jigokue's ex-bassist who then committed suicide so... pretty kvlt.

CHTHONIC

Japan: Pale, Asunojokei (明日の叙景), Sleepwalker, No Point In Living, Arkha Sva, Ψυονξηε, Absolute Of Malignity.

China: Evilthorn, Aphasiac, Dismal, Demogorgon, Deep Mountains, Mihundian (迷魂殿).

South-Korea: Pyha, Kryphos.

Check out https://pestproductions.bandcamp.com/ in general, they're based in China and sign a lot of Asian black metal bands.

I seriously understand you,I got confused at the first listening,but... Now i kinda like that LOL

Sounds like they recorded a rehearsal or something like that,cuz Batsu's vocals feels more "present" there

which one of you is this

I love his covers

Yes, of course. I agree.

Different than progressive bands like dir en grey that each album makes you think "how did they come from this to that?" ,and you simply don't know what to expect next. Slipknot's upcoming album didn't even dropped yet and you kinda know exactly what this is about

Yes. I agree again. Two thumbs up.

Honestly I've heard some of my guy friends say the same thing. I don't know if it's the same with you, but they were always looking for women in the wrong place, for example, at the clubs. Then they'd get hung up on these girls who clearly just want to use them and curse out everyone else. 

There are plenty of women looking for romance, It'll take time to find, but it exists. Two of my friends who are the biggest awkward geeks I ever knew put themlseves out on tinder(!!!!) and now one is engaged and the other is living out a fairy tale romance lol don't give up. I promise you it's out there. 

Yea,platy, your text is a fact....and I confess that I had some opportunities to be with real "good girls",I mean ,those respectful girls,but I kinda screwed that up with my approach. I gave up my University bcuz of my depression and now I work as a bartender in a big bar few days a week,and I can tell you that place is a cesspool of promiscuous people and vile girls with no values at all. Yesterday for example I saw my college of work staying there overnight just to have an affair with my boss and he's married with a new born child.i walked back to home wishing I could slit my throat, can't explain my level of disgust for that. In resume, I've been seeing the ugliest side of humans,that plus my previous bad experiences contributes for my lack of faith. 

But I feel like your text gave me a North,so thank you

I'm sorry you had to see that. Humans have a disgusting side, without a doubt. If you can  focus on good news. There are pages on FB or twitter dedicated to positive things people do, like rescuing animals on the brink of death. It can be a good reminder, especially in this dark world climate. Don't give up

Haven't watched it yet, but I've been reading up on the scene and am curious how the movie depicts it.

But it made even Varg say positive stuff about Euronymous, that he died fighting, so I don't expect too much. Oh well, let's find out!

They have a One Piece live action in the making, that should be fun! They've already stated it'll be americanised. 

The more time passes the more I appreciate the movie for what it is. It’s not good cinema by any means and does get mired in genre nonsense like Euro’s romance and all that, but making Mayhem into Spinal Tap was exactly what the culture deserves at this point, which is nothing but ridicule. Meanwhile the wolves of the underground live in a realm separate from this one, selling bootlegs nsbm split’s on discog’s for hundreds of euros.

Yea,I can imagine...But 15 years? That's a lot.its been few years since I've been diagnosed with depression, however i can't imagine myself living like this for the rest of my life, or for more several years like u did.we kinda lose our faith sometimes,but deep inside we just wanna be ok, nobody likes to feel like shit 24/7. It's not exactly a tip,but why don't you try to contact with people who overcame depression? Just to make a "before & after" comparison... sometimes I do this on YouTube.Watching people talking about their own experiences with mental illness kinda gives me a light in the dark.

Ohwell, it may seem like it? but i, on the other hand, been diagnosed with BPD; been through months & months of therapy, numerous medications and honestly at this point, I've enough tools (not all of them healthy i admit) to deal with my brain's bullshit and come out not too worse for wear.

it's a bit different with bpd, I don't expect it to ever "end". 

Seeing people who were dealing with the same issues as me though, was a fucking turning point in my therapy tbh, so if these videos help you also? Awesome.

at the risk of sounding way too preachy, I can't recommend cognitive behavioural therapy enough or any group therapy for that matter. if you're up for therapy at all, check it out. I know it's not for everyone.

aaaaand i'll sign out before getting this status discussion way too heavy ^.~  

Your sense is right lol, better stop it for now,from here on the conversation would only get darker. There will always have pm tho.

No, it's not

Dude, music is life.

Games too

Join the closet cosplay trend

yes,i mean karma from avelcain or even kaneki from tokyo ghoul lol

these eyepatches are kinda cool,but i hope i can get better soon,it hurts 

Sorry hope your eye feels better.

I've been using cheap but good enough headphones,so I thought that buying one of those expansive gamer headphones I would have a different perspective from the album,cuz deep in side I thought that I was being too paranoid about it.But good that some people think the same,so I'm not crazy

Good headphones only call attention to the shoddy mixing.

This album is really hit or miss. Ignoring the mixing, I think that some of the songs are good. A lot of people think otherwise, and understandably so.

It really just depends on your taste and how well you're able to ignore the awful mixing.

good headphones kill the budget-kei

I have to switch to my "fun-cans" (modded SHP9500s with Alpha Pads) that color the sound enough to make shit mixing enjoyable. 

I still can't believe it's been 4 years since they made Ozashiki Asobi to Iki Na Taboo. That was a banger, and I wish Kuroyuri made a song similar to it

@AimiGen7  ozashiki is phenomenal, I think gesshoku was the nearest we could get of it, at least in my opinion

Gesshoku was my absolute favourite for the longest time. It actually was the song that got me interested in Kuroyuri, because at the time, I didn't like Yokusou too much. Now, I love Yokusou lol

I like Mio's voice and I wish I could get into them but I'm not a fan of the compositions. They have potential, but they need to boot Issei. They seem like they all get along, though, so idk when that's happening. 

@Duwang yea,for a debut,Mio did a really good job, there's a catchy chorus in almost every track and his gutturals are pretty decent,but the composition...so many dissonances,the piano and synths stepping on each other,Mio's exaggerated falsettos. They need to chill out

@Komorebi now it's out 

https://m.vk.com/wall-35600031_109301

Sorry,guys,I didn't even see the comments on this,thank you so much for the support.only 2 weeks on this journey of abstinence and the results has been great so far. With some difficulties of course,but totally worth it

Proud of you, and glad to hear it's going well! I'm here to talk if you ever need to

Hey, no problem  Happy to hear that you’re doing well! Keep it up!