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heresytrash

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About heresytrash

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    Kisaki's Errand Boy
  • Birthday April 11

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    Utah
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    Jrock, anime, reading

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  1. I think a lot of people think that those who have been abused need to forgive in order to 'truly move on', but a lot of the times that's not necessarily true... 

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. CAT5

      CAT5

      I do want to clarify my stance a bit, so ppl don't get it twisted or misunderstand me. I take a Hebraic/Biblical approach to forgiveness, and from a Hebraic stance, everything requires an action (or actions) - so forgiveness isn't just some disembodied emotion or an intellectual exercise. For true forgiveness to take place, it must first be asked for. This seems like common sense, but it's hella important.

       

      Secondly, true forgiveness requires restitution or restoration. So if you break my bike or something, then you can't give me a donut in return and expect me to forgive you. I have every right to withhold my forgiveness in that regard. Also, in terms of restoration, you have to go over and above in restoring whatever you took away or did damage to so that there are no hard feelings. So for example's sake: if someone steals your car, you're gonna be PISSED - but if that person restores not only the care they stole, but also buys you several more cars, then you're gonna be much more apt to not only forgive, but also to forget.

       

      Thirdly, forgiveness requires repentance  - which essentially means to turn from your way. Cuz it makes absolutely no sense to ask forgiveness, and then to restore, only to do the same thing again. You haven't turned from your way in that case. You have to prove that you've turned a new leaf and aren't going to do whatever you did again. So forgiveness is neither free nor simply emotional, but it's a process that absolutely requires action.

       

      This is forgiveness in its ideal state. But how many of us are living in a community or a country where the law is Torah? Where the law is righteousness itself? None of us are. So essentially, most of us are dealing with folks that don't give a fuck about forgiveness, or righteousness, or the evil that they do. So what do you do? What do you do when there's no path to forgiveness? What do you do when justice and restoration is impossible?

       

      Well, it depends on your perspective and understanding of the world itself. For me, I understand that our creator is just and loves balance, and he will not be mocked - so everyone eventually reaps what they sow. This is where I feel bad for people that are overcome by wickedness because they often have no idea of the path that they're on. That, and people who are caught up in wickedness can change their ways. They're still gonna reap what they sowed, but they can still change their ways at some point. I'm proof of that myself. So I have empathy there, because i know i've been in darkness too. And still wrestle with it everyday.

       

      So to close, no one is truly required to forgive, unless the requirements for forgiveness have been met. However, when those requirements cannot be met for whatever reason, for me personally, I find it best to fully experience the emotions associated with and let it go. To heal, essentially. Now that doesn't mean that i'm still going to fuck with whoever  transgressed against me, but at the same time, i'm not gonna let that person's actions weigh down my heart, and send me off into the kind of downwards spiral that @nekkichi mentioned.

    3. nekkichi

      nekkichi

      I had to move away from everything related to bible and christianity for variety of reasons, but an iteration of 109th psalm got me interesting, very satisfying results in the past.

    4. heresytrash

      heresytrash

      Ah thanks for the insight, I'm sorry I didn't see it until now.  Let's just say this issue has been something on my mind for personal reasons, though I can see circumstances like @CAT5 where forgiveness is due. 

       

      I won't go into much detail, but with certain events coming up it's on my mind again considering some events going on in my life. My mom thinks that they should be just forgive them and make up with the abuser, it's hard to convey to her that it'll probably never happen as he continues to play victim and not see the damage he has done. 

      I however have seen the damage he has done, and I myself don't know if I can ever bring myself to forgive him for that. As for the victim, they're in a much happier place, getting married and buying a new house; they're definitely on the healing path without the need to have them in their life.

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