itsukoii

9 minutes ago, patientZERO said:

Filth in the beauty by The GazettE is about incest ...

so is sugar pain!

3 hours ago, nullmoon said:

You're most welcome! Glad to hear you've been taking positive steps and that things are working out! 

 

One additional tip that I forgot to mention is to be super careful with dating apps. If you don't go in with the right mindset, it can easily undo all your hard work. I've learned that the hard way haha

ahahaha dating apps really aren't my cup of tea, but if i ever do decide to try them out for whatever reason i'll surely be careful

thank you so much @nullmoon! been doing quite well since it actually, because i've taken a lot of time to focus on myself. i can agree it's really beneficial, and i've been so much happier!! i have a long ways to go before i know enough about myself to be able to enter another committed relationship, but i think i'm on the right path. thanks again, and i'm glad things have worked out for you too!

@CAT5 what a read that was! it was very enlightening and definitely makes me realize i'm just not ready for something like that LOL... but it was fantastic advice overall, so thank you, and i'll definitely keep it in mind for the future.

at the same time it does make me wonder if my ex and i should have tried harder with our relationship, but we were too incompatible as partners and there were too many factors of the relationship interfering with my hobbies/outside life, which is something i can't handle before starting uni. it's me time rn.

so this actually begs another deep question: how can you know when a person is worth all of that work?

after finishing a project i feel like my life has no meaning. i have to wait a few days for more materials to arrive so until then i'm forced to take a break. no thank

8 hours ago, Zeus said:

that's your mind telling you that you aren't busy enough. be careful not to idolize the person or your crush will crush you when you find out that who they are isn't who you thought they'd be.

no, i'm quite busy, and i'm sure the crush stemmed from the later period in my relationship where my mind went "hey you're in a real shitty relationship, look at this other person that you get along with really well and treats you better than your partner does, develop feelings". but as i said, it's never been a complete crush and i doubt it will be, because they're unobtainable anyway due to their orientation and my only option is to suppress it (plus, relationships now terrify me)

been on the verge of crushing on a completely unobtainable person lately. must just be the universe telling me to never love again lol

3 hours ago, GreatNorthernVK said:

I was following that too. Sorry you and your ex got harassed by that asshat.

 

Honestly, they made a huge deal out of nothing. Claiming that Reita’s feelings would be sooo hurt by “Lesbians for Reita”. You want to know how most straight guys would react to news that lesbians are stanning him? “...Cool!”

 

I highly doubt that Reita loses sleep at night because “Oh no! Not lesbians!”

thank you :// and lmfao right? they were all "but he doesn't understand lesbians(??? LOL) and he'll be so confused so yall should just stop!!!"... honey i think an almost 40 y/o man knows what lesbians are and wouldn't give two shits if a bunch of them loved him. sure he might be puzzled if someone went up to him during the m&g and told him about it (which nobody did, but for some reason a bunch of people were convinced we would harass him about it during the m&g??) but like you said, he wouldn't be losing any sleep. let lesbians have their fun ok

4 minutes ago, suji said:

I want to punch those bitch ass motherfuckers in the face. That other account they made to expose the same person also got removed mysteriously (doesn't say suspended either).

same, but i'm trying to put the whole thing behind me as best i can. also did it?? i didn't check that one, but if so, good riddance. i hope the main account goes down too

16 minutes ago, psychonnect_rozen said:

Damn that must suck for you. Sorry you had to go through that. Is that “exposed” account still around. 

it really did and i can't help but notice how inactive the account has been since we broke up (for unrelated reasons). guess the account really wanted us apart and to hurt her.  thank you. and yeah, unfortunately it's still up, i checked yesterday.

i'll sum up the gist:

they attempted to turn an innocent twitter tag (lesbiansforreita, a joke from the lesbians in the fandom saying he was our protector/leader, can't remember why or how it started but it was some innocent fun) into a bully tactic against wlw and claiming my ex was a pedophile (she wasn't, i was 17 and we had a strictly romantic relationship) before doxxing her, saying that tag was a "cover up" for these pedophilic assumptions of theirs. there was a whole gc behind it that didn't like my ex for one reason or another, so they teamed up and did all this, feeding into the vkeifanexposed that claimed to "expose bad fans" but it was extremely biased and seemed to only go after this one person, who (imo) had done nothing wrong. it's all kind of a blur to me now but i THINK that's the gist

how i understand it is like this:

a fetish is the sexual arousal coming from a non-sexual object. this could be a body part, ex. feet, or not, like balloons. there doesn't have to be any kink in there to make it arousing; it just is.

kinks i define as the "play". add in some degradation, humiliation, etc. kinks are things you DO, how you act, and that's arousing. that's how i understand the difference

Just now, Himeaimichu said:

@itsukoii Is right for the most part. Kinks are something you're born with, but they can also be from experiences. Itsukoii didn't leave out the possibility of it being learned.

fetishes, not kinks. but yeah, fetishes can absolutely be learned

2 minutes ago, secret_no_03 said:

Born with? Where in the world is the research behind that?

speaking from personal experience. also i said "not normally", so i'm sure for some they might be learned, but it's still a general rule of "this non-sexual thing arouses me without reason" so my point still stands

Just now, psychonnect_rozen said:

What I meant to say was that I don’t understand feet stuff. If you like a fetish, cool.

 

Sorry if I was too judgmental lol

with fetishes, there's not really anything to "understand". it just is. kinks, on the other hand, i think there's more room for understanding and questioning because they're a lot more complex and not as simple as "this non-sexual thing really arouses me, but there's really no reason for it".

no prob, tho, i just wanted to pop in about that

1 hour ago, psychonnect_rozen said:

Also, for the love of god I HATE FEET STUFF! It's fucking gross

how bout we refrain from kinkshaming here? it's one thing to say "i'm not into that" and another to be like "YUCK i don't like this and anyone who does is a disgusting freak", u kno. i'm not majorly into feet myself but i do have some fetishes that i've gotten the same response to, it's a little irritating 

edit: ESPECIALLY because fetishes are normally not learned, but something one is born with. doesn't feel too good being shamed for something ya can't change

10 hours ago, platy said:

 

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 A lot of people seem to think that possession and control of your significant other is a sign of love, but I disagree (unless of course you have agreed to these dynamics). Your partner shouldn't demand to know who you're with/where you are at all times, or demand to have access to your phone and computer. They shouldn't be dictating which friendships you cut out or keep. A healthy relationship is one where both people can be themselves without fear of judgement. One where you or the things you like won't be put down and minimised, instead you can learn from each other. There's a constant open dialogue and you can both express your feelings freely without fear of retaliation in the form of petty or abusive behavior, you'll work through any problems that arise together. But expecting your partner to be your everything and heal all your issues is a slippery slope. They're there to support you in becoming the best version of yourself, not be your savior. It's a give and take. Honestly, communication is so important but so overlooked. I could write an essay on this, but to me those are the basics of a healthy relationship.

 

everything you described as bad was exactly how my relationship went. lol. a very bad time for sure, but at least i've learned a lot from it. thank you for answering!

what factors make for a happy & healthy relationship? my understandings of relationships are far more skewed now than they were before i even got into one because it wasn't... great, and now i have absolutely no idea what makes a "good" relationship. considering this, i won't be getting into another one for many years i assume, but it would still be nice to have an idea of what a healthy relationship is like

the internet needs to stop with the romanticizing of clinginess and possessiveness in relationships. it leads to so many abusive relationships yet people think it's normal so they stay, but these ideas that "my partner is my happiness, my world, my other half, etc" are so incredibly dehumanizing and WRONG and often end up in codependency. why aren't we teaching people to learn independence and at least some sense of self-worth and their own source of happiness before deciding to get into a relationship? why are we taught that we'll get those from our partners, rather than being two whole people coming to share their lives?

thanks so much, @CAT5! it's definitely a relief to hear that. and i'm actually doing a lot better than i thought i would, so, that's a plus lol. i'm excited for the future!!

since ending my relationship i've had so many newfound fears that i'm going to be alone forever (despite how young i am) when these thoughts have never been a concern to me before. i wonder if what i had was actually good, but i was too emotionally immature to handle it properly? i was never very happy, but what if that was all my fault? and if i'd just kept pushing, it would've ended up a good relationship? i can't help but think (know) i was the reason it went south, but i worry my reasons for doing so weren't genuine feelings of unhappiness caused by my partner, it was just me being overly sensitive and not understanding how relationships work. i don't know. there's a lot to reflect on. but the feeling that maybe i had something great and i willingly put an end to it really haunts me, because what if every relationship i have here on out is even worse?

one time he gave one of my fics a kudos, i don't know whether to be flattered or insulted

On 7/4/2019 at 5:39 PM, Masato said:

Are there other abominations like that out there? Someone mentioned that DEG fandom is super sick?

any fic by sexsuna LOL

would fight ruki because he's got pillow fists, but would probably knock me over the head with his chanel bag

ended my first relationship today (1yr 3 months). it went smoothly and i'm glad we mutually agreed we're better off as friends. but it still sucks, and after being in a relationship for so long i have this newly developed fear that i'll be alone forever even though i've NEVER given a shit about that lmao. hopefully it'll start to go away as i start focusing on my personal growth again. i regret none of it, because there was a LOT of valuable knowledge to take away from it. i start uni in the fall, so i want to take the summer to really get my act together. here's to a new chapter, i guess? i'm feeling optimistic, even if it's hard. i feel really relieved.

if anyone has tips for dealing with a breakup tho, hey, send em my way ,,